“Unuseless” Invention #281:
Back Scratcher’s T-Shirt™
The trick is NOT to itch where you can scratch; it’s to get scratched where you itch!
A number of (non-chindogu) implements exist to try to help us address itches that we can’t reach. Still, wooden claws just can’t quite provide the same relief that a skillful human finger will, and hence the phrase “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.” This reciprocal arrangement often provides a few seconds of glorious relief, but is typically followed by several more of frustration over the fact that the “you”s of this world never seem to know quite where the itch is. The “we”s can explain to some degree–“up, down, more to the right, no the other right”–but itches move, and pinning one down is a lot like sinking a battleship in a sea that you can’t quite see. At least that’s the way it used to be. Now, it’s more hits and fewer misses with the Back Scratcher’s T-Shirt™. It is expected that people with perpetually itchy backs will take to wearing shirts like these at all times and soon be instinctively aware of all coordinates with the grid committed to memory. Meanwhile, for the occasional itcher, the T-Shirt™ comes with a handy cheat sheet.
“Unuseless” Invention #140
Clear Skies Umbrella™
Sunshine on a cloudy day…or at least a reasonable facsimile.
Gene Kelly notwithstanding, walking in the rain tends to be a gloomy and depressing prospect even with an umbrella. (This could explain why, for the point of view of neighbors further south, the Brits seem such a morose bunch.) Not only are there clouds in the sky, but your umbrella itself keeps you in a perpetual shadow, a dark, empty and lonesome world. Well, chindogu can’t change the weather, but the Clear Skies Umbrella™ can do the next best thing. Now suddenly there are glowing planets and twinkling suns to brigthen your mood. And if that’s not enough, flip the switch and an a 9-volt LED sun will shine to light your way. Not so much that you’ll need to put on sunscreen, but enough, perhaps, to make for a brighter outlook. In fact, it’s not inconcievable that with a gadget like this, people who live in dark and cloudy climates may start wanting to use their umbrella even when it isn’t raining!
“Unuseless” Invention #19
Hat Head? Try this instead!
Hats may protect your gorgeous locks from the ravages of inclement weather, but you still won’t be able to justifiably showcase your “new do” when you arrive at your destination…whether you spent all morning at that hair salon or not. They may succeed in keeping their clientele dry, but there’s one persistent problem that the haberdasheries of the world have yet to solve: hat head. Fear not. Chindogu has arrived once again to save your scalp. Enter Hat Pack™, the first hat that does what it’s supposed to, but isn’t worn on your head. It’s over your head. Literally. Your back and shoulders keep the article in place so that your hair stays put as well. Furthermore, gentlemen will appreciate the added benefit of not constantly having to remove their hat every time a lady happens to pass. Hat Pack™ has manners and chivalry covered, as well as your hair. Hats off to this great new unuseless item! (n.a. if you’re already wearing one, of course.)